Still Trying

We have had quite a couple of weeks at our household. We have been sick, sick again, Nana has been in and out of the hospital, my cell phone bit the dust and our babysitter is set to have her baby any day. I especially am sick with some sort of upper respiratory infection and I actually went to a walk-in clinic for a prescription. Just to give ya’ll some perspective, I have not been to a General Practitioner since I started college in 2003. I have not been to a walk in clinic since I sliced my arm at work in the fall of 2006. I avoid the doctor at all costs.  Just to clarify, this does not count for anyone else, but myself. I always take the girls in when they need it or for their regular check ups. The same goes for pregnancies, I am very diligent for my children’s sake.

So it has been hectic and I get to feeling extra sorry for myself when I am sick. So Saturday I went and bought crap food that I don’t like to keep in the house, but I bought it because we were having game night. And I got ridiculed the entire time for wanting to eat poorly. Sometimes a girl just needs some damn junk food. Men NEVER get it. Our game group has dwindled and I didn’t have any females willing to speak up with me and tell the guy to leave me alone or just shut up and deal with it.  It made me feel lonely. So I didn’t gorge myself, I ate exactly a serving size of some candy over the course of the entire night. I did eat more pretzels and french onion dip than I should have, but it wasn’t anywhere near what  I would eat back when I didn’t care. And no one else ate any major amount of the junk food, either because they didn’t want to or they were thwarted by mister- you -should-never- indulge-yourself. (Am I being overly sensitive and blowing what he said out of proportion, probably, but that is how I took it. Besides it is not like it is the first time for him or for me)

So now I have a more junk food in my house than I can deal with because I bought for a group and was one of two people who ate any of it. Today is no longer a good day, my children refuse to listen to a thing I say and I have a ton to get done. I needed to get stuff out and down or whatever. The thing that is really hanging over my head is that Nana is going to die or Nana is going to go in to a nursing home and we are screwed. If she were to go in to a nursing home and we were allowed to stay here (possible, but not probable) then we would have to pay her bills (cable, utilities, etc.) which in no way can we afford. We have been saving up to buy a house, we are no where near being able to buy a house, much less a duplex my husband is adamant we buy as our first home. So I have no idea what will happen to us. If we can’t buy a home, we can’t rent, for what we need the payments would be about the same each month. We make “too much” to qualify for any assistance. I don’t know what is going to happen. It really makes me wonder if we ever should have moved back at all. So I am stressed and trying not to let food control my day.

Thank God I work this afternoon and won’t be stuck in this house for another weather miserable day.

Baby steps.

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One comment

  1. I feel so bad I didn’t read this until today.  As soon as 4th Ed. is over I will be returning to game, and even without that I always have your back.  I wish I knew who it was who gave you crap; I would totally call them and bitch them out.  You are an amazing woman.  You’re a great mom, wife, and sis-in-law, so there is no reason you should feel bad about indulging every now and then.  The housing thing sucks balls.  You make too much to qualify for assistance, but you don’t make enough to cover what a family of four needs to rent or own.  If it helps, where we live there are two bedroom apts. available for $700/month, utilities included.  It would be small for you guys but it might be a start.  And even I don’t know why your husband insists on a duplex; it’s not like he’s handy or anything so he wouldn’t be that awesome of a landlord. =-)I love you very much and I really am here for you guys if you need anything.  Again I repeat, you are an amazing woman.  You’re strong, intelligent, courageous, and beautiful.  You WILL be okay.Aunt E

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